Tick tick tick. Jennifer shook and spazzed as she compulsively chewed at her nails as if digging for a dream. Tick. First nail off, second nail off, tick. What had she done to deserve to be the… disgusting monster that she was ? So… FAT… So… UGLY…Tick. All her friends were beautiful, skinny, talented, and outgoing. And then there was her – with her enormous thighs, HUGE butt and humongous hips…Tick tick, third nail off.
And her family, oh how she hated her family. Jennifer stood up and began swaying back and forth, as she counted the black dots on the wall paper that decorated her big, luxurious room. One dot, two dots… Everyone in her family thought they were so innocent, so perfect… it was simply repulsive. They were so cool, it was officially uncool. She couldn’t even begin to describe the disgust they made her feel. Ten dots. Just the thought of people meeting them tormented her endlessly each day. Twenty five dots. What would she do when her friends found out what an actual loser she was? She knew for a fact that no matter how many friends she had, not a single one out of the tons would stay if they discovered how stupid her family was. Seventy five dots.
Besides, its not like any of her friends were true and would stay with her; all they ever did was lie to her again and again. Two hundred dots. ‘You have beautiful green eyes Jennifer,’ they said. ‘ I love your long brown hair Jennifer,’ they said. ‘You have such a great slim figure Jennifer’ they said. Five hundred and twelve dots. SHUT UP! She just wanted to scream at all of them. What could she have ever done to deserve everyone’s mockery? They all knew she was fat and ugly. It was not an “illusion” how people often tried to convince her it was, or something in her imagination. It was a fact. A well known, cold, obvious fact. One thousand three hundred and forty-six dots.
She had enough. Enough of the lies, enough of the pity, enough of the embarrassment.
Jennifer made her way through her room, and into her personal bathroom. She quickly removed all her clothes. She stood naked in front of her mirror, observing each inch of her trembling body. Her brown hair laid crinkled against her shoulders, her pale white skin was covered in goosebumps, and at this point she had already chewed off all of her nails. The longer she stared, the faster she seemed to change. She watched as her reflection expanded and became that obese, overweight monster that she knew she was. As her fat self appeared in the mirror, she decided it was time. Time to try once again to transform herself into that beautiful skinny girl she needed so badly to become. She leaned over the toilet and shoved her hand in her mouth as far as it could go. She shoved it so deep- it felt like she was reaching for infinity. And then it came. That waterfall of vomit shot out of her mouth and indicated success. And it felt like glory. It was all of her worries, angers, and stress washed down the toilet. It was one step closer to beauty, because being skinny was its equivalent. It was one step closer to being loved and cared for, because beauty earned you that. It was step closer to being someone, having something, and abandoning the lies, the hate. It was one was step closer to victory. Jennifer sat up with that dizzy sensation she always had after she was done. Her doctor told her that in the unhealthy state he always tried to convince her she was in, this could mean one step close to death. But she knew it just meant comfort and happiness. She tried to enjoy the moment’s sensation fully, for to her it was the most valuable. But wait, what was happening? Something felt different. She tried to convince herself it was nothing, but as the seconds passed, she struggled for air. Soon she became a fish out of water. She tried her best to reach for the sink and lift herself up, but her strength began to dwindle and her vision began to shake. Her tears were screams as her fears became real. All of her weaknesses, nightmares, and the horrifying thoughts she had ever had came to life and jumped on her. Jumped in her. Jumped in her and yanked everything she ever thought to be out of from inside of her. And on the evening of December 30th, 2011, Jennifers body was a sack of bones as it hit the cold stone floor of her bathroom.
Ashley Wells, Age 13, Grade 8, MS 245 the Computer School, Silver Key