The Little Girls Will Understand (spoken Word)

The Little Girls Will Understand (Slam Poetry)

Hi. I’m not as ghetto as this reads, I just want to make a point to prove to other young girls out there they’re not alone in a language they can understand.

1. Rhyming Thoughts

[Claim you love me, but cha don’t,
Say you’ll help me, but cha won’t.
Watch as I fly away,
Cause I can make it through today.]

So.. So..

Many things you don’t know about my past,
Had to grow up, way too fast.
Brought me to this Earth,
Questioned what I was worth.

Learned you were wrong,
Had ta teach myself the power to be strong.
Wished you coulda fixed things too,
Thought twice fo’ you did the ISH you do.

Tried ta control a life of a kid you never raised,
Cried myself to sleep, ta yuh face I was never phased.
Succeeded at bringing me down,
Forgot how to smile, just kept a frown.

You always..
[Claim you love me, but cha don’t,
Say you’ll help me, but cha won’t.
Watch as I fly away,
Cause I can make it through today.]

People I was sent to, almost let me die of hunga,
Years later, called you – operator says you changed your numba.
How was I supposed to feel?
Touching da mirror, what it reflected back couldn’t be real.

A little girl crying,
Wanting you bad,
Wanting to catch up on times ya never had.

Did in fact lose focus of what was mine,
People ain’t believed when I stuttered I was fine.
Saw something in me; I couldn’t quite see,
Helped me through problems I thought would be the death of me.

You always..
[Claim you love me, but cha don’t,
Say you’ll help me, but cha won’t.
Watch as I fly away,
Cause I can make it through today.]

Wasn’t it you though?,
Sitting in meetings, putting on a show?
Acted like a parent who tried,
I sat there silent as part of myself died.

Don’t blink too quick,
Cause I’ll make it, I know it makes you sick.
Ask yourself why,
Yeah, ignore me, go head, get high.

That’ll make your problems disappear,
Can’t face your past, that I hear.
Did what you couldn’t,
Fought for my future when you wouldn’t.

I’m about to live on my own,
When you need me, will I pick up the phone?
Now you’re getting older,
When you need me, will I do what you did and dust you off my shoulder?

2.

Drugs, abuse and shattered glass,
Thought to God: This too shall pass.
I can make it through tonight,
Yet I lost faith, gave up that fight.

Then I felt lighter,
No abuse, everything brighter.
Walked to mom, she didn’t see me,
Said on the phone I was finally free.

My heart beat a little faster,
Smile and skin felt like plaster.
Everyone getting dressed up, not excited,
Felt left out, uninvited.

All dressed in black,
Holding their chest like a heart attack.
The girl in the casket looked awfully like me,
Showing myself what I could be.

They’re praying in my name,
Apologizing for playing such a deadly game.
Their tearing eyes started to flood,
I looked down and saw my own blood.

As the pastor said, “She was DOA”,
I started to cry and drift away.
Dad just held his breath,
When he spoke of my death.

As he read out that bible,
I whispered in his ear that he’ll be next.
Brothers wished I didn’t leave,
I’ve gotta hold them tight, they have dreams to achieve.

3. Not afraid to rise above.

Ma, you was on drugs while I cried,
Now you expect me to easily confide.
Where were you when you were needed?
Where were you when I begged and I pleaded?

Can’t choose, him or me,
See you hold your heart, he got the key.
I’m your child, the very first,
Don’t hold my breath so my bubble won’t burst.

You’re a big child, you sit and mock,
Time is running out, Tick Tock.
If I was given one shot,
I’d risk everything that I’ve got.

I’m not afraid to put my life on the line,
To fight for the lives of the young girls and mine.
I’m not afraid to give them love,
‘Cause I know they’ll strive to rise above.

I’ll help them cause I know I can,
Count on myself, I don’t need a man.
Young ladies, I see,
I know to live afterwards ain’t easy.

To all the girls, who were taught not to show fear,
Repressing my issues is what got me here.
For me, I wanna give up but for you, I’ll never surrender,
Always be strong enough to have a shoulder to lend her.

They say Stacei, “They mean more to you than you do to you,
Saving them saves you, but they don’t have a clue.
You don’t have time to think and cry,
Have the same issues but you still deny”

I say, “Yes, they mean more to me than I do to me,
Saving them; saves me and gives me a reason to be.
I don’t have time to wonder why,
Have the same issues but can’t tell them bye.”

4.
HeartBreak & Betrayal

There you are, next to your cutting supplies,
Slice for a day full of compromise.
Hiding your secrets, but you still wanna heal,
Their help [psh..] it’s only their jobs, they don’t care how you feel.

[Trying hard to believe,
Afraid to trust, they might deceive]

They tell you you’re just scared,
But cha know you’re too damaged to ever be repaired.

Sit and cry at night,
Nobody to check tuh see if you’re all right.
Told you she’s nothing more than a phone call away,
Tonight you hold that picture tight to try and feel okay.

Kiss her cheek on the picture,
Love her but afraid to take her down witcha.
Her promise is the only thing that keeps you going,
Wanna prove yourself by trying and growing.

Crazy circumstances but you couldn’t ask for more,
Afraid to pray but you hope for an open door.
She can’t do wrong in your eyes,
Even if you can’t for you, for her you wear that disguise.

[Trying hard to believe,
Afraid to trust, they might deceive]

Dear Jesus, I don’t what’s wrong with me,
This isn’t at all who I wanted to grow up to be.
If it means taking away the rest of my free will,
Do it if it means she’ll be holding me when I open my
eyes still.

Next day, you call happy, hang up crying,
Shoulda known better, all along she was lying.
Promised you a world that was never hers to give,
writing, trying to find any reason to live.

Oh but this hurts so bad,
At her you can’t even be mad.
You listened and tell for it all,
She helped you rise, but here you fall.

[Trying hard to believe,
Afraid to trust, they might deceive]

You wish you could feel some hate,
Why though? You let yourself get played.. Check mate.
Memories scattered along your heart,
Can’t find the end or the start.

[Trying hard to believe,
Afraid to trust, they might deceive]

Just felt something wasn’t right,
Praying to be able to let go of this fight.

Dishearted, this time you’re done,
Guess after all, you’re not the chosen one.
Kept you going, told you that you can,
But what’s the point of making it, if you’ve already lost your number one fan?

5. Sunday Thoughts

Have you ever felt like you just want to die?
Sometimes I do but I can’t explain why.
I have this sadness building inside of me, it doesn’t go away,
Doesn’t seem to get better with whatever I say.

Medicine is supposed to help me cope,
Wash away everything like soap.
But it never goes away and I have to pretend,
Have to pretend I hope my life doesn’t end.

Sometimes I’m so afraid to disappoint that I stay silent,
Avoid answering if she was ever violent.
When I write, I feel so free,
Don’t have to put up a front, I can just be me.

It doesn’t make sense to anyone but me,
Why I’m offered help but still choose to never be free.
I’m stuck in my own mind,
If I open up too much, I’m afraid of what they’ll find.

As I sit there looking out my window, I silently start to cry,
Little children passing, I hope they won’t ever want to die.
I hope they have an innocence they can always hold on to,
Hope their hardest problem is what color crayon to choose or whether or not to use glue.

That they’ll grow up to be whatever they’d like,
The farthest they’d go is no longer need training wheels for their bike.
I hope they can resist when they know something is wrong,
I hope that they will always be strong.

Looking out the window, they throw a bottle to the floor,
Throw away their emotions so it doesn’t bother them to their core.
I remember running to the bus stop every morning, excited for school,
Then I stopped going ’cause smoking was more cool.

Picking out a new jacket with mommy, while daddy sat in the car,
Being held close but oh so far.
Never pictured stooping so low,
I wish I knew then what I know now, ’cause I’d hold on forever and never let go.


Anastasia Bratescu, Age 17, Grade 12, The August Aichorn Center, Gold Key

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