I am subscribed to your magazine
(and also your dinner table)
and have been for nearly five years
(I have been your son for nearly seventeen).
I am a dissatisfied customer
(I am a broken boy)
and here’s why:

the titles of your articles are misleading
(why do you hit me if you love me),
and the pictures are too small and grainy
(your affection is limited and artificial),
the font you use is distracting
(papyrus is immature and unprofessional),
you write about things that don’t matter
(you lack basic human empathy),
and you have slept with all your female co-workers
(the divorce is your fault).

I am writing this letter to request for your resignation
(I am running away)
so that you may better hone your skills
(you need therapy);
perhaps you can reapply for your job in a few years
(look me up in the phone book when you change)
but there are no guarantees
(but there are no guarantees).

Rachel Kaly, Age 17, Grade 12, Hunter College High School, Gold Key